You are programmed to hallucinate the meat. There is none.

OFFICER 1: All right, buddy, let’s see your qualia.

MAN: I don’t have any.

OFFICER 2 suddenly pulls a gun, keeping it trained on the MAN. OFFICER 2: Aha! A zombie!

OFFICER 1: No, zombies claim to have qualia.

OFFICER 2: So he’s an ordinary human?

OFFICER 1: No, they also claim to have qualia.

The OFFICERS look at the MAN, who waits calmly.

OFFICER 2: Um...

OFFICER 1: Who are you?

MAN: I’m Daniel Dennett, bitches.