If you are currently in a relationship or have been close to a NARCISSIST, let’s take a look at the traps you can expect in such a relationship and how to recognize the moment when you need to save yourself and run without looking back.
No one has the right to hurt you emotionally or mentally – not even a NARCISSIST. You were not born to endure someone else's manipulation and suffering, especially from someone who drains you with their toxic behavior. If you have realized that your partner is one of them, know that such a relationship has no happy ending. If your relationship has already ended, be sure that the reason was precisely that – because you were involved with a NARCISSIST.
What kind of relationships do narcissists seek?
Narcissists usually pursue two types of relationships:
1. A relationship with another narcissist – which is rare because both seek control.
2. A relationship with someone they can turn into a toy – a “mouse” – a person they can manipulate and completely dominate.
Let’s focus on the second type because none of us "losers" are narcissists – if we were, we would have stayed with someone just like us.
How does a narcissist win you over?
Narcissists have an extremely high opinion of themselves. They believe they are special and will quickly convince you of the same. They present themselves as energetic, intelligent, and irresistibly attractive individuals unlike anyone you have ever met. In no time, they manage to "ignite" you – both mentally and physically.
The first tactic they use is sexual attraction. They overwhelm you with an incredible sexual experience, leaving you in awe and wondering if such passion is even real. But their real motive isn’t pleasure – it’s your vulnerability. Once they win you over on this level, you open up completely, believing they feel the same. Sex happens very quickly and becomes frequent – but it is just a trap.
Based on your reaction, they assess how long you will stay with them. If you fall for their act, they will turn you into their "hero" – the only person who understands them, can save them, and provide them with security. Once they know you are emotionally entangled, they see you as an easy target.
How do narcissists test your boundaries?
While they are seducing you, they are also working on mentally destabilizing you. They ask countless questions, trying to discover your weaknesses, fears, and secrets. At first, it seems like you’ve found someone you can confide in – but in reality, everything you share will later be used against you.
They use this information to slowly shape you into someone they can control.
Once they see you’re "hooked," they move to the next phase – manipulation by phases.
1. First, they put you on a pedestal, showering you with attention and making you feel like the most special person in the world.
2. Then, they withdraw, creating distance and confusion. You start chasing them, trying to understand what went wrong.
3. They start shifting blame – suddenly, you become the problem. They claim you have hurt them, or they use stories about their "past traumas" to make you try even harder to please them.
At this point, the narcissist already has full control over you – you are caught in a cycle of proving yourself to them, desperately trying not to "lose" them. They make promises they never keep, while you, unknowingly, promise them more and more – tying yourself deeper into their game.
The final phase – complete control
At this stage, the narcissist wants to cement you as theirs alone. Knowing you value your promises, they will make you repeat them over and over.
Their game reaches its peak when they start playing with your integrity. They convince you that they are insecure and vulnerable, constantly seeking reassurance that you will never leave them. In this process, you lose yourself.
The "cat and mouse" game
When the narcissist has you completely under control, the real game begins. You become the mouse – insecure, broken, constantly seeking their validation.
They will adore you – then shatter you. When you start wondering where that amazing person you fell in love with has gone, they will reappear, restarting the cycle. Each time, the cycle repeats faster and faster.
The narcissist’s goal is to make you lose yourself, become anxious, depressed, and disconnected from reality. If you try to leave, their "hot and cold" cycle will intensify even more.
At this point, the narcissist will completely isolate you from your friends, family, and even your children. They will become jealous of anyone who is not them. While they may not always express it directly, they will manipulate you – through threats of breaking up, emotional blackmail, and increasing demands for your time and attention.
You stay because you believe you love them. But the truth is – this is not love.
When is it time to leave?
The only thing worse than narcissistic manipulation is staying one more day.
If you have already escaped this kind of relationship – never go back.
If you are still in it but see the red flags – leave before the pain becomes endless.
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