The biggest lie ever told in the history of the world is that cucumbers grow from a plant and vinegar comes from fermented fruit. Combining the two IS NOT the origin of the pickle…

What big cucumber and vinegar DO NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW is that the pickle actually came first.

The pickles are secretly accumulated and delivered to the mutants who live in underground tunnels and their only job is to viciously jack off all the pickles to get the vinegar out and they become cucumbers. That’s also how we get vinegar FYI.