Draw a large pentagram on the ground using salt, then place a usb stick containing the files you wish to serve in the middle. Proceed to sacrifice something (preferably a virgin) to Cthulhu and chant "Please let this fucking shit work!" over and over - assuming you set your TTL to 3600, then you will need to chant for a full hour until your DNS propagates and the site goes online. Repeat the chants at least every full moon for best results.