The ability to do both .. recognise patterns and causality in physics/nature and see determinism .. and at the same time marvel at life's/nature's beauty .. it is almost a necessity, I'd recon.

I don't find it disappointing one bit that consciousness is likely another non-binary thing but can be measured on a biological/technological spectrum.

But then, I always have this one "escape hatch" left, allowing me to be fascinated about life, despite mechanistic rules apparently governing everything: the mere fact that anything exists at all, that is so crazy/weird --> nothing can ever be more weird than that.