Why Narcissists Can Disappear from Your Life as If You Never Existed
Narcissists can vanish from your life without a trace for several reasons:
Control and Manipulation – It’s a tactic to maintain control over you and the relationship. They might reappear when it suits their needs or simply to throw you off balance.
Punishment – They may use silence as a form of punishment, trying to make you feel guilty for a perceived offense.
Avoiding Responsibility – Disappearing allows them to evade accountability for their actions and the consequences of their behavior.
Attention-Seeking – Their sudden disappearance can be a trick to make you chase after them.
Power Play – It’s a way to assert their superiority, making you feel insignificant and dependent on them.
Most of the time, they disappear because they cannot handle criticism and know you would confront them about their cruelty and unfairness. A narcissist will never take responsibility for anything.
You are fully aware of how horribly they treated you, but they don’t want to hear it. In the relationship, your role was to inflate their ego and reassure them of their perfection.
If they suddenly disappear, it usually means they’ve moved on to the next victim, believing they were so "good" to you and that you were the problem.
They know exactly what they are doing and have no regrets. In fact, they are probably in bed with someone else, smirking at how much you’re hurting.
Narcissists disappear during the discard phase because they project all their negative traits onto you. This phase often happens during a narcissistic collapse. Their disappearance has nothing to do with you personally—you shouldn’t take it that way. They don’t "come back" to finish things with you unless they are truly malignant. Instead, they return because they once idealized you, and you linger in their mind.
A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is delusional at the beginning. Narcissistic supply is like heroin to them—they must have it, and without it, they cannot function.
If you are dealing with or have dealt with a narcissist, ask yourself why you were in a relationship with such a person. Many victims of narcissistic abuse have unresolved childhood trauma, weak boundaries, and self-esteem issues. You shouldn’t see yourself as a victim, but rather as a willing participant in the relationship. Understanding why it happened to you allows you to grow, heal, and become stronger.
You believe you’re in love and try to fix things by tolerating their mood swings and their "need to be alone." Meanwhile, they are cycling through different stages of relationships with other people. You might not even be aware of these other individuals because narcissists are masters at hiding their double lives—sometimes for decades.
Signs of Their Secret Affairs
Keeping their phone locked
Receiving mysterious texts and emails at odd hours
Spending intense, uninterrupted days with you, then suddenly disappearing for extended periods
Refusing to update their relationship status on social media
Not allowing you to post pictures together—or changing their status only when threatened with being left
Another red flag is how they talk about their ex. Narcissists often claim their ex is obsessed with them or that they just broke up before meeting you. They may even say their ex is depressed or suicidal, making it seem like they need to handle them with care.
The truth? Narcissists never fully let go of their exes. Even if they were the ones to end the relationship, they always try to keep most—if not all—of their past victims on standby.
The most unsettling part? The intense love-bombing stage they gave you was actually the time they were disappearing from their ex’s life.
So when a narcissist vanishes from your life, know this: they’ve gone to secure their next supply—their next victim.
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