But how do you choose to spend a specific utxo in a wallet?

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Choose the UTXO that is the closest size to the amount you intend to spend, though it must be slightly larger to account for the transaction fee.

You can select a specific UTXO using any wallet that has that feature (Sparrow Wallet, Blue Wallet, etc)

Think of it like $20 bills, $10 bills, $1 bills.

If you’re buying something that’s $9, use a $10 bill.

One difference, however, is that in fiat world, you get charged based on the dollar value, whereas in Bitcoin world, you get charged based on the vByte file size. So you want to use the minimum number of “bills” or UTXOs that will cover the transaction, regardless of the dollar amount, to minimize fees.

No, like litterally "how" I don't know of anyway to say " use this utxo for this transaction" instead of the wallet automatically choosing

You need to use a wallet that has that feature, as I said.

Sparrow Wallet is my favorite for this.

Didn't see your other reply. Do any mobile wallets have this feature?