Even if it was real, why TF would you voluntarily send money to a rich guy with no plausible need for your sats? I don't understand this compulsion to just give money to the people who need it the least.

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I don't give money based on need. I give money based on value. I will send value to anyone who gives me value, regardless of their net worth. I may indeed give money to someone who needs it more than me simply because I value them or whatever they're offering me, but I'm still getting value. It also isn't neccesarily a compulsion. You're making a lot of assumptions, which is an exercise notorious for leading to misunderstanding.