The Psalms are a great comfort. Have you ever meditated on them? Also comforting is the Heidelberg Catechism. Fill your mind's eye with God and his faithfulness. Set your affections on him, he will sustain you.
Discussion
I don't believe that texts written down by the men who control my life and have done everything in their power to ruin it will sustain me.
The Apostles are trying to control you? No, friend.
Men who went to death rather than deny their message are not likely candidates for ulterior motives or hidden pacts.
Every word of God proves true. A lifeline is before you...choose life.
I simply dont believe reading some translated text coming from people who believe they are holier than thou will do me any good
"Christ died to save sinners--of whom I am chief." -- Paul the Apostle
Peter denied Christ 3 times before repenting (and being received)--why leave that story in, if they were "holier than thou"?
If things are as bad as you say (and I'm not questioning that they are) then isn't it worth suspending your disbelief and giving it a shot with an open mind?
Im not sure I will be able to accept the idea that the god who runs the world that we live in is good anymore
A Psalm about the men who control your life and are doing everything in their power to ruin it: https://gathman.org/music/ps14.pdf
One take performance: https://gathman.org/music/ogg/Psalm14.ogg
"They are corrupt. They do vile deeds."
"They are ALL, together, become corrupt. There is no one righteous, no not one."
(Quoted by Paul in Romans)
"Will the wicked never learn?"
"There they are in great fear - for God is in the generation of the righteous."
"You mock the plans of the poor - because the Lord is his refuge."