I had a breakthrough today that I'm still processing, but I think it's going to reduce my general anxiety a lot.

I spend a ton of time fighting battles in my head that I may never actually have to fight. This is obviously exhausting and can get in the way of enjoying my life.

I suspect this is a defense/coping mechanism stemming from years of childhood abuse. I spent most of my childhood anticipating and planning for the next wave to roll in.

The catch is that this thing has had benefits for me. I'm able to sit and perform medical procedures, interviews, difficult conversations, etc. in my head hundreds of times before doing the real thing. I believe this has helped me, even if it is rooted in anxiety.

But at some point I have to tame whatever this is (I'm sure there's a term for it in psychology).

I'm curious whether anyone else has this sort of thing in their head.