I'm so sorry. I felt the same when my mother and father passed. I felt guilty because I was glad they passed. Better to pass than to suffer. Mom had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. We all took turns taking care of her at home because.. she wiped all of our shitty asses, fed us, and made sure we didn't die young. It's hard to lose them but the suffering part is shifty. It never gets easy but you make room for it.