I am currently fixing the 0xchat compatibility bug for receiving normal DMs so that it can be compatible with the Damus/Primal clients.

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What's the nips for that problem? hasn't nip 04 everything necessary?

NIP04 DMs leak metadata; NIP17 can help prevent that.

https://github.com/nostr-protocol/nips/blob/master/17.md

If one minds their metadata to be revealed... use your own relay, that's simple.

This requires the person you DM to also trust the relay, but not everyone trusts the relays you trust.

hm, I think of the DM stuff more like an "inner circle" thing, where I talk to like minded. A group, that sets up their own relay. for the other cases, can't see harm in metadata.