There is a lot more middle ground than you’re suggesting. It’s not a binary choice of 3 relays or automatically connect to any relay your follows tell you to.

I couldn’t figure out how the latter would scale a year ago and when I asked naively then I was met with the same talking points. I guess we are still in the same place.

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The concept is much broader than NIP-65…

It’s either:

-Read where you write

Or

-Read where the post author writes

There are many nuanced variations & paths to reaching one or the other… but those are the 2 main paradigms I see.