You quite clearly are suffering from a mental disorder, I am not lobbying for people to not use the tools to help them overcome their mental disorders which is a very tricky & fragile thing in modernity - I think this thread was helpful as the verbiage, 'mental disorder', is much better tbh.
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A mental disorder I successfully brought under control with the use of hormone therapy. Which is a completely sane thing to do. You're not making any sense