Spending off chain with LN is plenty private for almost all use cases, most data leaked is on the receiving side. It isn't difficult to manage this simply through segregation and compartmentalization, of everything, not just your transactions and coin of choice. More data is exposed through your phones, IP addresses, browsers, etc. than is exposed with off chain transactions. Spending from a phone registered in your name, an IP service paid with by a CC, while in the home address registered ass your legal address makes your privacy with even Monero an illusion.

In the end, ONLY good Op Sec, treating secrecy as secuity in ALL things can lead to Anonymity, which matters more than data privacy. It is Control, not Title that matters, these practices must be carried over into the paper and physical realms too. Smart money use registered LLC, Corporate, and Trustee agents as special purpose vehicles for Titling real assets, the same as smart Bitcoiners do with Blue Wallet, Sparrow, and Cold Card.

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LN is overwhelmingly used in a non-private way. Same non-default privacy tediousness of Bitcoin (meaning majority will not use it privately. Defaults matter.). It's possible to have semi-private unannounced channels by sacrificing useability.

Your list of attack surfaces is kind of a moot point because Bitcoin has all that against it *ON TOP OF* being a public blockchain. Monero is not a privacy panacea, but it makes privacy possible and much more simple and accessible. And IP address is automatically protected with Dandelion++ when using Monero so the IP thing isn't even true.

The most you can hope for on Bitcoin is to remain anonymous, but your actions are always public. Obfuscation is not privacy. Nothing is hidden. That data can be saved and combined with future data and novel techniques to deobfuscate and eventually use that data to deanonymise. Both anonymity *and* privacy matter and can be weaponized to unconver the other.