“it’s not about me” in my mind is an allowance that there are subconscious defense mechanisms at work for them. they may lack the awareness to put the work in to get past them, but they do not lack the capability. so the under current of “it’s not about me” is - “it’s about them”, not who they are, but who they have learned to be to feel safe.

because i have spent so much time unwinding my mental processes and thought loops, it makes me feel better., because i know how much work it is to get to awareness and then to the underlying narratives. let alone to start dismantling them... but it still hurts. especially when it's family.