Space 3 Storage Solutions

Keeping Your Junk in Orbit Since 2019

Unit 3, Low-Earth Orbit, Sector 42 1 November 2025 Mr. Greg

c/o Junk Flex, Earthside Branch

Dear Mr. Greg

Your rent is now 1,337 days late.

We have: Sent 12 certified letters

Left 19 voicemails on a phone

Launched three warning drones. The last drone formed a stable relationship with a storage door in Britain and refuses to come home. We did not enforce the return of the 3rd drone, we were very happy, the drone had a terrible history.

This is your FINAL NOTICE before ESCALATION. OPTION A – BORING BUT EFFECTIVE:

Pay the $9,114.62 in full by November 15 or via the following payment plan: $500/month for 19 months

Final payment: a slightly used llama. Only slightly used, but extremely well loved. Only a consensual happy llama is acceptable.

OPTION B –

Failure to choose either option will result in your unit being launched into the Sun on December 1. We will name the resulting solar flare “Greg’s Regret” in your honor.

With affectionate concern for your recent “accident”. Our llama was extremely concerned to hear news of your crash..he would not eat his carrots was the extent of the distress. He is an extremely well loved, well used llama.

We here find at hush of dawn, when the world still holds its breath, a llama’s gaze (soft as moon wool) meets yours, is when time forgets to rush. It offers no grandities, only the gentle curve, the quiet warmth of its breath against your palm, and in that single, silent nuzzle, you understand: love is not a roar, but the tender weight of a heart that chooses to stand beside you, unhurried, unshaken, forever grazing in the field of your soul. You kiss your llama withpassion..you both cry at the moment of greatest passion. For that moment you are one donkey not two separate. But life is cruel. Sometimes tragedies happen. We can't understand why. It breaks us, eventually.

Chief Repo Officer