How would a user be able to know if/when a relay is throttling?

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clients usually cover up the failure.. but most relays will respond back and say why its not currently accepting a particular note so that you would know to retry.

Both noStrudel and Gossip give feedback on the status of every event generated from your key.

Oh good to know. I use noStrudel when I’m on desktop (which is rarely 😂) so I’ll check that out next time.