I find this argument pedantic. The property is the UTXO on the bitcoin blockchain not the piece of paper your key is written on...

If they steal your key words and move the utxo to a wallet under their control, they have deprived you of access to your property; commonly known as theft.

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You can call it anything you want, but it’s not illogical.

The UTXO set exists on every node that stores the blockchain. Surely you don’t think everyone running a node owns all the UTXOs. Anyone running a node owns the history of the blockchain that is on their hard drive.

Again, no one can own the specific arrangement of words (seed phrase). We can own our piece of paper or steel with those words on it, but not the words or their arrangement on someone else’s property. So if someone sees these words without violating your actual property (house, car, backpack, etc.) then they have not stolen from you. To “own” bitcoin truly is to be the only person that knows how to move UTXOs.

I think the co-mingling of the idea of individual control being necessary and being property is the problem here.

How about this: I find bitcoin to be a commonly held intellectual property that we all possess and can control collectively.

Fair enough. While I think the concept of IP is flawed at best, I understand why people would hold that view given most governments recognizes IP in some form and will use force to protect it.