Replying to Not my name

I’m not sure if you’re serious or actually under the impression that I haven’t considered that option.

In truth, the question of ending my own life is a daily consideration. I can’t believe most people don’t think about it every day. Unlike what many people think about doing so though, it is not some morose process for me but instead just a useful and legitimate accounting of where I stand relative to my own existence.

I don’t enjoy being alive relative to nothingness and never have. When I compare my state of being prior to being born (which was nothingness) to my current state (which is sensorium), I genuinely choose nothingness. It was just so much simpler and elegant.

But the problem is that some narcissist summoned me from my former state into being. That colossal act of selfishness and stupidity has given me this life that I (not them) must now figure out what to do with. In this way, I view giving life to someone as analogous to giving them a really shitty used car, one that they will have to spend a ton of time and resources on to ultimately end up getting very little actual use from.

So why don’t I kill myself? The answer is I will, eventually. But first I’m going to extract every useful bit out of it for my own benefit. That won’t compensate for the resources that it will take to do so, but it will make the best of a shitty situation. Then, one day when I can’t take care of myself, I can die with the knowledge that it all was truly pointless and pat myself on the back for not imposing such nonsense on another hapless soul.

#grownostr

#thinkdangerously
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Prisoner24601 2y ago

It was a serious question. But your logic is flawed. Best of luck anyway.

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Not my name 2y ago

Well I appreciate a sincere question so thank you for that.

If my logic is flawed though (which is certainly possible), wouldn’t that add to the tragedy of it all?

I am one of only a small percentage of people on earth to have the time and (self-acquired) resources to sit and think all day, most days.

Not that it means much, but I have also spent many years reading about and learning the perspectives of others that my species considers expert in this area.

If after all that, I still come to the conclusion that life is this stupid, meaningless, and an awful thing to impose on someone else, what chance does your kid have?

I mean I’m sure you’ll be a great parent, but statistically speaking, your kid will be average. This is not a dump on average people. Just a consideration that I don’t think parents think about enough.

Average people live their lives in debt, have nothing saved for retirement, have BMIs over 30, have relationship stresses, make 70k per year, retire when they’re 65, have vices and addictions, live with chronic disease etc.

I don’t have to deal with any of that. And life is still perceived as a mistake for me.

Good luck to you. May your Hollywood movie quotes continue to bring you peace of mind. I wish I had that power.

#grownostr

#thinkdangerously