it's funny how your sense of self is so often shaped by your life circumstances.
it was useful for me to believe i was an introvert who didn't need friends and was happy to sit at a computer all day. but i was just a smart kid that got bullied due to social development delays who found refuge in the machines and books that dad kept in his house.
and it made sense to believe that i was a writer because i'm a very active social media poster who types a lot. but i really just like to have conversations with friends.
most of my hobbies emerged out of a subconscious desire to have more friends and life success. it's like when people play in a band to get girls, except i didn't have the self-awareness to see that. i like my hobbies but they're very "been there done that" for me now.
the idea that i was a musician was much in the same vein. as with my other hobbies, there was of course a natural interest there, but i lost motivation again when it didn't make me any money or friends.
people who have a genuine passion for their work don't quit just because no one cares. they love doing it too much to stop. and i can't recall having such an enduring passion for anything.
if i have a passion, it's communication in all its forms, i think. pretty vague and not terribly helpful when you're trying to decide on a new career path.
