Biting your tongue? That’s not emotional freedom… even if it is wise with some people some of the time…
Having candid conversations that serves both our own needs and desires… AND the relationships that matter… is a SKILL.
It is a skill that asks a lot of us.
Self-awareness. Empathy. Consent. Confidence.
We need to be aware of what is going on both inside of us and outside us in the space we share with others.
We benefit from empathy towards others who have needs and limits AND our own needs, too… holding an attitude that everyone matters while not diminishing what matters to us as “less important.”
Just because we want/need to be candid doesn’t mean the other people are ready, willing, or able. How do we get consent?
Some conversations are hard. Hard to say… and hard to see someone react with hurt feelings, defensiveness, anger, or pulling away. Growing in calm confidence that candid conversations are essential for thriving relationships gives us strength to be present.
Look, it’s “easier” to tell people to “JUST SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!” and let the chips fall where they may.
But just blurting out to an overwhelmed fellow human that you are angry, resentful, and demand they change NOW OR ELSE (even if that is the truth of your reactive feelings) is… not very savvy.
Why? Because if we want to stay connected and deepen together, loud noise and raging fire from our primitive brain is not going to do that. Emotional hitting hurts… and the bruises can last decades.
Does that mean we have to hold back? No. Trauma taught me to bite my tongue. Freeing it showed me that, yeah, there are people that can hear my rages and hurts and hold space for me to get clear about what really matters to me. RARELY is that the person I have intense feelings about.
It’s rather more skillful to get clear enough and grounded enough that I can feel more engaging rather than raging.
This practice is… ongoing. Useful. Helpful.
Sometimes even awe-inspiring how much positive change is possible when we’re candid with a focus on what matters to us.
Want to explore this together? Then…
Register here for Candid Conversations
A Real Skills Workshop for: Savvy Relating and Engaging
When: Sun Jul 16 2023 at 5pm EDT / 2pm PDT
#RealSkills
https://www.thrivingnow.center/t/candid-conversations/1199/4