Looking further its not what I am looking for yet, but its getting close.
Basically it would need one event that dictates what rooms are in a space, which relays they use and who the moderators are.
Then people can add that note ID as a space to get access to all the relevant channels automatically grouped together.
It would mean we don't have to host our relays just to make a space and it becomes decentral again.
Moderation would be done trough moderation events checked against the verified npubs and if that matches the moderation event is succesfull, or if possible each moderator has their own npub event with all the actions they have taken which can be checked against by the client.
That way if a user is banned it can be done in a decentralized way (and compatible clients of the nostr spec could then keep it in sync with more formal standards).
Maybe I am overengineering the solution here, but you get the idea.