1. Mother Love

The problem all boys have. The problem which is impeding the growth of most boys and doesn’t allow them to become men and to have healthy relationships with women.

It is connected to our survival. Children need care from their mothers to survive. They need to feel love.

If the mother loves her child, she will take care of him, and the child will survive. The child has only one chance, which is his mother. No other woman will care for someone else’s child. And because, as a child, you can’t exchange value, your only chance is unconditional love. Only your mother will love you unconditionally.

But in most cases, what we receive is not unconditional love. We are presented with lots of conditions: if you behave nicely, if you are quiet, if you eat, if you sleep… then mommy will love you. And we start working for the love we crave.

We grow up physically, but not mentally, because we never received the unconditional love needed to become adults emotionally.

Then, we project this onto the woman we enter into a relationship with. We start working for unconditional love. We start behaving nicely and serving. But only a mother’s love can be unconditional, and mature adults should not crave unconditional love.

And we remain children inside. Our women start noticing this. But they are seeking mature men. Women can’t love and care for other people’s children, only their own. They start losing interest and respect for us. They become distant, and they leave us. It becomes a tragedy for us because we projected the role of our mother onto them, and there’s only one mother. If she leaves us, we die. So, we become depressed and chase after them. And this alienates them even more. A sad story.

I had this scenario several times. Lots of people I know have had it, too. Many continue living like this because they are still children inside, seeking mother love.

What needs to be done?

First, fix the relationship with your mother. Meet her, talk about your past, about love, let her tell you and explain how she loved you and how she cared because, whatever happened in your life, she loved and cared for you. That was just how she could do it. Everyone does things to the extent that they can.

Then, thank her for the greatest gift she gave you — your life. Hug her and say that you love her very much. You need to truly understand that she loved you unconditionally, as any good mother would.

If you are resentful and angry because you think she didn’t do what she was supposed to as a mother, it won’t work. You can never mature and become free if you don’t fix this issue, so pay attention.

Understand that she did whatever she could. From your perspective, it may look different, but you are not her; you don’t know. You are here NOW, and whatever happened was exactly what you needed to become who you ARE. Nothing else would have been better or worse. Only exactly what happened, so she did the best thing she could.

There’s no need to recall the past, judge, be resentful, or angry. Only be grateful for your life and for everything that happened. "Thank you, mother! I love you!"

When you truly understand this and communicate it to your mother, you will feel love and may even cry, both of you.

As you disconnect your mother from other women, you finally understand that there are countless good, interesting, and beautiful women out there, and you can start a relationship with someone you like anytime you want. There’s no ideal woman, soulmate, significant other, or 'the one'. They are all just normal human beings, like everyone else. You no longer need unconditional love, nor are you a child dependent on anyone for survival. Whatever happens in your relationship, it’s okay.