1. Mother Love

The problem all boys have. The problem which is impeding the growth of most boys and doesn’t allow them to become men and to have healthy relationships with women.

It is connected to our survival. Children need care from their mothers to survive. They need to feel love.

If the mother loves her child, she will take care of him, and the child will survive. The child has only one chance, which is his mother. No other woman will care for someone else’s child. And because, as a child, you can’t exchange value, your only chance is unconditional love. Only your mother will love you unconditionally.

But in most cases, what we receive is not unconditional love. We are presented with lots of conditions: if you behave nicely, if you are quiet, if you eat, if you sleep… then mommy will love you. And we start working for the love we crave.

We grow up physically, but not mentally, because we never received the unconditional love needed to become adults emotionally.

Then, we project this onto the woman we enter into a relationship with. We start working for unconditional love. We start behaving nicely and serving. But only a mother’s love can be unconditional, and mature adults should not crave unconditional love.

And we remain children inside. Our women start noticing this. But they are seeking mature men. Women can’t love and care for other people’s children, only their own. They start losing interest and respect for us. They become distant, and they leave us. It becomes a tragedy for us because we projected the role of our mother onto them, and there’s only one mother. If she leaves us, we die. So, we become depressed and chase after them. And this alienates them even more. A sad story.

I had this scenario several times. Lots of people I know have had it, too. Many continue living like this because they are still children inside, seeking mother love.

What needs to be done?

First, fix the relationship with your mother. Meet her, talk about your past, about love, let her tell you and explain how she loved you and how she cared because, whatever happened in your life, she loved and cared for you. That was just how she could do it. Everyone does things to the extent that they can.

Then, thank her for the greatest gift she gave you — your life. Hug her and say that you love her very much. You need to truly understand that she loved you unconditionally, as any good mother would.

If you are resentful and angry because you think she didn’t do what she was supposed to as a mother, it won’t work. You can never mature and become free if you don’t fix this issue, so pay attention.

Understand that she did whatever she could. From your perspective, it may look different, but you are not her; you don’t know. You are here NOW, and whatever happened was exactly what you needed to become who you ARE. Nothing else would have been better or worse. Only exactly what happened, so she did the best thing she could.

There’s no need to recall the past, judge, be resentful, or angry. Only be grateful for your life and for everything that happened. "Thank you, mother! I love you!"

When you truly understand this and communicate it to your mother, you will feel love and may even cry, both of you.

As you disconnect your mother from other women, you finally understand that there are countless good, interesting, and beautiful women out there, and you can start a relationship with someone you like anytime you want. There’s no ideal woman, soulmate, significant other, or 'the one'. They are all just normal human beings, like everyone else. You no longer need unconditional love, nor are you a child dependent on anyone for survival. Whatever happens in your relationship, it’s okay.

2. Understanding of man-woman relationship dynamics and how value is exchanged

We don't really understand biology, evolution, psychology, and most other areas... because the human mind is biased. We can only see the world through our perspective and understand whatever we have experienced.

Men and women are different. We complement each other. We evolved for different purposes. We want different things. We have different goals. Our minds and bodies operate differently. And we assign value differently.

But when we interact, we think that they see the world as we do... and that they want and value whatever we do...

We try to behave politely, to seem equal, to not invade personal space, to listen, to pay attention, and to do what we said... Excellent tactic for dealing with... men. Awful tactic for dealing with women. Because all these strategies are aimed at equal value exchange, like in business... But they are very bad for establishing a dominant power dynamic.

To understand what women truly want, genetically, on their biological level, we need to analyze the evolution of humans.

In the harsh conditions we lived and evolved in, for women to have the highest chances of survival and reproduction, they needed to find the strongest, most capable man, who had the highest chances of survival and could protect and provide what would be necessary. When they found such a man, their best chance would be to submit to him, serve, and do whatever was necessary to keep him interested. All other details were not as important as these: power, domination, strength, influence. All these characteristics directly raised the chances of success.

What is funny is that it is true for all interactions, even with men. But you will get more resistance, and men challenging you will be more dangerous.

So. Women are searching for power. And they screen men. How strong and powerful are you? Can you do whatever you want? How influential are you? Can you communicate? Can you be dangerous if necessary? Is it possible to influence you? Manipulate you? How important are the people around you to you? Do you have options? Are you competent? Do you have a purpose? How valuable are your attention and time? How many other women want you? Other things do not even matter...

And this is what women search for and value.

Understanding this, you can express another part of your personality, which we usually suppress. And the dynamics of your relationships will never be the same again.

3. The value you think you have.

We are taught and used to evaluating our value in a certain situation and environment, and then behaving in a way appropriate to the value we perceive that we have.

We do it in most areas, like in business, for example. You know your abilities and ask for an appropriate salary.

Or in communication, where we try to match our perception of our value within the group and behave accordingly.

We always want proof of our value before demanding appropriate pay. But this tactic is wrong. We were taught this intentionally, to "know our place" as good slaves. To always be subservient to people in power, because their "value" is higher than ours, which is false — it's a deception.

Our value as human beings should never be connected to anything. We have the right to express ourselves as we want, to talk as we want, about whatever we want, and to feel what we feel. No matter how much money we have or our status in society. This is the correct self-esteem setting.

You are infinitely precious to the universe that created you and keeps you alive. Who can lower your value after that? People can perceive and decide whatever they want, and you will still be you!

You don't need to earn your right to talk to anyone. If you want to, you do it. It's not a business. You don't have to pitch or propose any value. No one can reject you — only you can, by not doing what you want.

Never stop or limit yourself. Always go for whatever you want!

4. Your value for the world.

Everyone views the world in a way that benefits them, and people are always searching for value. If you have what they want, interacting and exchanging will be even easier.

It is one thing to decide that you are great, another to behave like a great person, and even better to actually be great.

Work on yourself.

Become healthy by eating real food and training your body, lifting weights.

Learn. Listen to smart people. Explore things to understand how the world works.

FAFO. Experience creates competence, which creates confidence.

Learn communication. Actually communicate with lots of people. Talk about everything: life, love, relationships, business, health, science, entertainment, anything...

Have a purpose. Chase progress and excellence. Create value.

Actually become powerful!