This will fundamentally change my life now

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yes, it will

all living things are adapted to surviving in its presence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9LgUlKNGFg

each tick is the sound of a radioactive particle emission hitting that detector's sensor

Our mitochondria are not adapted at handling accumulating amounts of deuterium however

there's always a tiny amount around tho, same as potassium, and the kidneys are gonna keep pushing that through unless you are poisoning synthetic amino acids with it or something to make it more persistent