There's probably a million ways to justify the fight of a legitimately defensive war... and definitionally that would put many people in group 2, though I think many of those would feel more at home in group 1. This is even if it means you enemy's children end up cowering in fear, or any other terrible inhumane outcome.

That said, with reference to specific wars in recent decades, if you have to travel halfway around the world to fight... Then it's not a defensive war.

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I agree it’s not black and white. If you are forced to defend your family, I support you to defend your family. However, I do not support you in killing other innocent people. The line of self defense and cruel, evil behavior must exist. As for the second part of your note- couldn’t agree more.