Set up BlueWallet or Sentinel to connect to your own node. Then setup watch only accounts (xpub info only) to be able to check balance and receive into those. Be aware of privacy risk if you lose phone though.

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could bluewallet be leaking xpubs (if you setup a watch only wallet)? or is that unlikely / impossible?

I don’t know for sure. Perhaps use this setup for your cold storage.

For your ultra-cold storage, use tools (cold card address explorer, seed tools offline, etc) to derive address and only check those on self-hosted block explorer. That way xpub never touches internet.