I know that I can delete notes on nostr but what about DMs?

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DMs are just a kind of note

it is then up to the releay to follow, isn't it?

I don’t think any client has the capability of deleting DMs and even notes are only deleted by some relays, not all, so once they’re syndicated they’re never fully deleted.

This feature can be integrated into the client as part of the deletion process. However, the private key will remain active, and if it's compromised, there's a possibility I won't even be aware, especially if I'm not actively using nostr 🤷‍♂️

Yes, you can try requesting to delete notes using above tool. If your privkey is somehow leaked then someone else can post under the same key.

You can try the tool, state I am abandoning these keys forever, and optionally hit delete.

It only works with the relays that acknowledge it. There is no pure “delete” on nostr.