Replying to Avatar jimmysong

For a large part of high school and college, my dream was to become a math professor. I loved math, particularly discrete math, like combinatorics, probability and graph theory. There's something about solving, or even understanding a problem that you noodle over for days, usually at the end of many hours of frustration. There's something about developing intuition for certain concepts, seeing patterns that was really attractive.

But I didn't go. I've told myself in the past that it was because I didn't want to and that the life of a professor seemed too grueling and lonely, but if I'm honest, it's because my grades weren't good enough. I goofed off too much in college and coasted through a too many classes.

But looking back, it was a blessing to not have that option. Academia in general and grad school in particular suck. It's a difficult life of moving to where the jobs are, of debasing yourself to fit the mold of the powers that be, full of egos, red tape and politics. And the type of people that graduate PhD programs come out a particular way. You can see it in their eyes. It's like they've lost a bit of their soul.

Academia, like most fiat institutions has that effect on people. It's driven by a zero-sum game of status, where demand remains high despite the economic prospects getting worse and worse.

I bring this up because apparently, the Brown shooter was a grad student. And like many grad students, the system broke him. It's a reminder that as much as it would be nice to have a chance at high status professions like the ones offered in grad school, there's a lot of risk as well, particularly to your soul.

Back in 2019, I got to teach a graduate class at the University of Texas on Bitcoin. I hold no graduate degrees, so the only reason I got to do this was because a couple of the professors there recognized that I was an expert. Sometimes the road less traveled still takes you to where you wanted to go.

The first semester of my graduate program one of the students committed suicide. The grad program itself was pretty high pressure, but obviously there were many other things going wrong in his life.

I often wonder what I would be like without having gone through that program. I don't necessarily think it took a piece of my soul, but it did shape me for certain. Personally I think the bigger chunk of wasted time was between ages 5 and 15 sitting at a desk.

It's interesting to hear you said you goofed off a lot in college. It doesn't sound like the Jimmy I've seen in Bitcoin. Were you partying at the time or just spending time on non-academic hobbies?

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Not partying exactly (played a lot of sports and was pretty involved in my Christian fellowship), but I wasn't disciplined in most other areas of my life. I was obsessed with math but treated other subjects as an annoyance, which understandably upset those professors and TAs. I did have a lot of fun, though.

It sounds to me like you had your priorities in order

I was big on reminding my professors that schola was the Greek word for leisure...