I think he drew a distinction between marriage and pair bonding. The way he spoke of pair bonding was like that was the state of being in love that we commonly speak about. But that marriage is a legal arrangement. I think marriage and pair bonding can go hand in hand. I also think pair bonding can last until death without a marriage certificate. I think he was pretty clear on the differences. I think marriage confers legal rights and responsibilities that many are not aware of when they enter into a union. Simply because there is societal pressure to marry if you are in love or romantic partners. Instead of marrying simply for love one needs to consider the rights and responsibilities conferred on you by the state and ask is this best for us as individuals and our relationship? That asking those questions and discussing them with your partner is an act of love and consideration itself.

I also appreciated his take on prenups. That those who take the time to have those discussions and draw up a prenup are less likely to ever use them in his experience. Communication is so important in a relationship. We all have so many ideas about what a romantic relationship and a marriage should be. We shouldn’t just assume that we’re on the same page but actually discuss it. I have a friend who says he believes assumptions and communication tend to be the root of problems. I’d rather communicate up front about my and my partner’s assumptions and expectations of a relationship and/or marriage. My parents have been married for over 40 years. Watching them it’s evident that those discussions need to continue to happen. They’re sometimes disgustingly in love. I want that for myself but still sometimes have the reaction of “Mom and Dad get a room.”

Anyway I’m pro prenup not just to have those discussions beforehand. (I’m also very pro premarital counseling.) I think a prenup should it ever need to be used, and I don’t believe one should ever enter a marriage planning to divorce, is a gift to your future selves. It allows you to focus on your emotions during a split instead of focusing on how to disentangle your finances.