What about Robosats?

https://learn.robosats.com/

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Intrigued but my LN sats sit in a Phoenix wallet which is not supported. Damn, I see I will need to setup some actual LN node soon.

This is a sign from above to get a node going. Meanwhile, you could just set up a temporary Alby or Breez wallet or something?

Blink works great

Robosats currently fails to show me offers. Just "Something is borked! Restarting app in 30 seconds... Error: TypeError ..."

I just loaded it up and it seems to work fine for me. I use TOR Browser and the following Onion Service: robosats6tkf3eva7x2voqso3a5wcorsnw34jveyxfqi2fu7oyheasid.onion

I ran into a known issue it appears. I reported it a year ago and appear to be the only one with it :( https://github.com/RoboSats/robosats/issues/331

lol and you were the one to report it too 😂 Seems to work fine on my TailsOS 5.20 machine using Tor Browser 13.0.4 (based on Mozilla Firefox 115.5.0esr).