hmmm

idk, there are just so many layers to it.

we think of our journeys as linear—a path—but there are so many different things going on: what you hear, what you see, what you feel, what you surround yourself with, what clicks and when it clicks. it's difficult to pinpoint a moment or progression because it feels so gradual and multifaceted.

if i had to pick a point, it would start with loving and accepting myself. after that, many things clicked for me. from there i was able to shake off the victim narrative. i no longer thought: "i did this because..." but simply "i did this." i took ownership of my actions. and this opened up the possibility of healing, but also a pathway to help those hurt by my actions to heal.

like you say, sometimes we're unaware, but sometimes we justify. because not all the ways we hurt others are loud and viscous. sometimes it's in the silence, the distance, the withdrawal...

thank you again for the beautiful words. i hope what i'm trying to express makes sense :3