Today's *real* headline the The Onion wouldn't have even tried:

US President Seeks to Take Greenland from Denmark Because He Didn't Win Nobel Peace Prize https://cdn.nostrcheck.me/698992de7273c547d28c6bd054b29c466a1729aa646a91b249d1707e98d54962/33d176cfb1cf788d38ba38a98e20ddeffe08740481ee0555543bdd34436bb3f7.webp