Iris:

Left pane (Settings) -> (Network)

You can see the relays you use here. You can add and remove relays.

I don't use Iris, so I have no idea on how to see other peoples relays there.

In https://coracle.social client, you can see the relays a user is using in his profile.

Sorry for the broken link, I wanted to show you this:

https://bit.ly/3YlUqe6

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Discussion

Don't worry.. It happens..

I'll see that now..

Yes I know..and I did try many many times to add/remove random ones as they don't mean a thing to me.. But nothing helped..

I may try oracle.. Just afraid.. Smbdy wrote somewhere that you have to sort relays on one client and then too use other clients.. Maybe I made a mess..