A thoughtful, non narcissistic individual always checks themselves first. It is healthy. Your ultimate atonement is the reward and release from toxicity. Does it cause pause? Sure, it is painful to grow beyond our restraining, earlier skins. Bless you for the attempt!
Discussion
Thank you for saying that 🙏
I love the hard road of self reflection, and in this case, it will be better for me to take the step back and take back my time and energy and learn how not to end up here in the future.
You’re welcome and my pleasure.
My maid-of-honor, from my wedding, is one of those of whom I have long had doubts, yet loyalty is a strength of mine, and so I overlooked and forgave for too long. Little niggling negativities from her. Once I became substance free for several years, I saw the chain of mud-dragging episodes by her. Today, I release her, and still care for her, whose son is my godson, and remain just outside her immediate orbit. It is refreshing to see our relationship from a position of autonomy, not co-dependency.
It's amazing what relief you feel when you shift your mindset from codependency to independency. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better a little further away from your friend.
I can recognize that I'll go out of my way to help such people through their endless problems despite the fact that there's never any improvement. New problems always crop up and previous lessons go unlearned. It's hard for me to turn my back to someone I've helped so much, but I have to look and see that nothing will change.
Yes. You gave a responsibility to yourself first. My mother, so wise, answered in response to my idealistic desire to help a charity though at that stage of life I had no extra energy, time, or resources, “Darling, you must first take care of yourself, before you can fully care for others.”