Every. F#$%%^. Time.

Sometimes I gotta go look in the mirror and check to see if “please lecture me about masculinity” is tattooed on my forehead. Whenever one of these crypto bros spots me it’s like they just can’t help themselves.

I was out on a date with my husband last night. We were just chilling on the patio of some funky bar in San Juan when a pack of dudes walks in and shares the patio table with us. They looked familiar, after a few min we sorted out that we’ve met them before at one of the local crypto events.

I never start these conversations. “masculinity” and “femininity” are not a part of my day to day vocabulary. Not one time ever have I started this conversation. But I’ve done it so many damn times I can spot it a mile away and map out the whole thing.

The beginning of the convo has lots of lovely words and includes things like “women are amazing”, “men are strong”, “men and women are not the same”, “I love to see a traditional family”, etc.

The middle of the convo starts to get dark and includes things like “men are inherently violent”, “women are just complex and emotional creatures”, “men should be men and women should be women”, “men are the natural leaders”, “the world is inherently violent and hierarchical”, etc. etc.

The end of the conversation is really the part that they love and can’t wait to get to. Sometimes I think they might nut in their pants if we make it all the way to this part. “men should be the decision makers”, “women will naturally submit to a dominant man, it’s just nature”, “women don’t really want to make decisions, it’s too stressful for them”, “the world should be led by men”, “we lost our way when women got brain washed into thinking they should be like men”… “repeal the 19th!”

Well yesterday it started with one dude wanting to talk about parenting. “you have daughters?” And he wanted to tell me all about his daughters, but I can see it coming a mile away. He wasn’t talking with me, he was talking at me. He was just loving the opening to start lecturing me about women’s nature. I tried to wrap it up and change the topic, but that was never going to work.

It started at the beginning of the convo with lovely things like “I love my daughters” and then we got to the dark middle “men are inherently violent”, “the world is run by violence.” I tried to diplomatically disagree and told him that I have a higher view of men, and we get to chose what we lean into, etc. But of course he then started into the ugly end of the convo with him running through scenarios trying to demonstrate why violence rules the world, and the part he was really waiting for… “that’s the hard truth. I can tell you about the hard truth of women too!”

And nope, nope, nopidy nope. I just got up and left.

Every. F#$%%^. Time.