Even if you only publish to a private relay, anyone with access to that relay could broadcast your notes to any other relay

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Hmmm you would need a way to communicate which notes are from the private relay and shouldn’t be reposted. Then have to trust those you invite not to re-note. Communicating privately might just continue to be the easier way.

Private chat groups definitely a better solution

I was going to say..wouldnt this just be a group chat on Nostr?

There's chat features around topics, couldn't a private relay host one of these chats with a given hashtag or identifier?

#asknostr