I donโ€™t have much experience with noStrudel, but I wonder if they handle DMs differently?

I think there are competing DM NIPs (none of which have great privacy), they may handle DMs completely outside of Nostr, or use dedicated relays for DMs, etc.

DMs are still a bit of a mess, afaik.

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DMs are just for establishing a communication channel outside of nostr ๐Ÿ˜‚

I would not want to send my phone number to someone on here, to start a Signal chat ๐Ÿค”

You can use a username now with signal, but I hear you.