So sorry that sounds fucking awful. With an 11 month old right now I can't imagine the horror of either having to watch him go through that, or the utter pain of thinking I was responsible. That is literally my nightmare, and I wish you didn't have to go through it.

My wife and I honestly got really lucky, because our values had always leaned on the "non-intervention" side of things. We kept delaying having kids because we wanted to be "financially stable," (whatever that means), and 2020 made us realize that the idea there is some near-future where everything is in order, there are no unexpected events is just dumb. BUT, it was after COVID.

The blatant psychosis of the medical establishment during that entire debacle succeeded in setting ablaze the last vestiges of my already thinning trust, and sent me into total skeptic mode. If we had Rad just a year earlier, we would've likely gotten him mostly, if not fully vaccinated with the entire schedule of crap they try to force on infants.

Wanted to say thanks for being brave and taking an honest look at something that painful, and how cool to have your kids be the ones to help open your eyes.