I often struggle with imposter syndrome, feeling like what I’m working on in this space isn’t where I want it to be at, not satisfied with it, questioning what I’m doing, if it matters, if it’s recognized, why it’s not more supported, etc.

I know where this stems from, and certain traumas in my life. It then makes me angry at those experiences and reasons behind this. A spiral ensues, jealousy that other people may not struggle with this.

It’s why being online is sometimes too much for me. Why a few months ago I had to step back from the pod (not to mention Bitcoiners hurling personal attacks at me and blaming me for not “doing better” to advance Bitcoin with the left and blaming me for devs facing prison sentences…fuck the people who did that/accused me of that, I won’t forget). And many individuals and companies did nothing but pay lip service to our cause but not actual support our cause.

But I keep coming back to wanting to contribute, make a difference, leave my mark, fill the giant void that is Bitcoin for the left and fighting the haters from both sides. It’s such an incredible uphill battle in every single regard. I take one day at a time and try my best, doing so much behind the scenes. Taking one step forward and then 2 steps back some days it seems.

I’ll always keep it 💯 here #nostr. I wear my heart and mind on my sleeve. Some days I just want to disappear from any public work in the space. Other days I want to double down and do even more (I typically lean toward the latter). It’s hard for me to sit still. Some days, stillness is required.

What I do know is my nature is creative grind. It’s gravity sucking me in and pushing forward. And doing this authentically, taking every moment and opportunity I can. I have no real idea where it’s heading…but I hope and believe deep down it’s somewhere good.

Fuck the haters. As Kendrick says, “I deserve it all.” And sometimes, you have to embrace that mindset and know how incredible you really are.

☮️ 🤟🏻