Nostr Web Client

I often struggle with imposter syndrome, feeling like what I’m working on in this space isn’t where I want it to be at, not satisfied with it, questioning what I’m doing, if it matters, if it’s recognized, why it’s not more supported, etc.

I know where this stems from, and certain traumas in my life. It then makes me angry at those experiences and reasons behind this. A spiral ensues, jealousy that other people may not struggle with this.

It’s why being online is sometimes too much for me. Why a few months ago I had to step back from the pod (not to mention Bitcoiners hurling personal attacks at me and blaming me for not “doing better” to advance Bitcoin with the left and blaming me for devs facing prison sentences…fuck the people who did that/accused me of that, I won’t forget). And many individuals and companies did nothing but pay lip service to our cause but not actual support our cause.

But I keep coming back to wanting to contribute, make a difference, leave my mark, fill the giant void that is Bitcoin for the left and fighting the haters from both sides. It’s such an incredible uphill battle in every single regard. I take one day at a time and try my best, doing so much behind the scenes. Taking one step forward and then 2 steps back some days it seems.

I’ll always keep it 💯 here #nostr. I wear my heart and mind on my sleeve. Some days I just want to disappear from any public work in the space. Other days I want to double down and do even more (I typically lean toward the latter). It’s hard for me to sit still. Some days, stillness is required.

What I do know is my nature is creative grind. It’s gravity sucking me in and pushing forward. And doing this authentically, taking every moment and opportunity I can. I have no real idea where it’s heading…but I hope and believe deep down it’s somewhere good.

Fuck the haters. As Kendrick says, “I deserve it all.” And sometimes, you have to embrace that mindset and know how incredible you really are.

☮️ 🤟🏻

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Discussion

The Daniel ⚡️ 1y ago

I feel that sometimes too. And then yesterday (on Friday the 13th, no less) I was climbing on ladders and I squeezing into tight spaces to rewire and upgrade the wi-fi network at nostr:npub1key55ax33gkl50uqemvl4khrtqrhzm7wzpc7fhseutt5ddkcwcrqgxlt3h so we can accommodate higher quality streaming events and more customer traffic right before the busiest week of the year to date. It took me most of the day including two trips to Best Buy, but I know it was appreciated and it was something that had to get done immediately.

It’s impossible to make everyone happy, but just knowing that you are contributing to something meaningful and larger than yourself can be personally fulfilling enough, and it’s what you can use to push yourself to get better. Imagine what you’d be doing right now if you had never discovered bitcoin when you did.

Erik Cason 1y ago

This hits hard and personal my friend. I struggle with imposter syndrome as well, along with feeling like I’m not doing enough.

Your work is important and keep contributing as you can, it’s all a positive sum and it’s ok when you need to step away and care for yourself.

Trey Walsh 1y ago

The amount of times I get the impulse to go on epic Erik Cason rants and then escape into the woods 😂

ElectronicsQuestions 1y ago

I read that very wrong at first - that "I deserve it all" was about the hate.

Blaming people for not doing more than they can is vile IMO, and way too common among bitcoiners.

While I agree with the right in many economics questions, the left - at least most I read here - is better when it comes to respecting people's differences, both inherent or inflicted and by choice, and understanding others, which is something I value.

I don't like censorship at all, people should be able to say anything they want, but someone once said "Just because you can say something, doesn't mean that you should". Way too few of the "standard bitcoiners" believe that.

I listen to The Progressive Bitcoiner when it is published. If that's rarely because you need your energy for other things, that's OK. Mental health (a concept seemingly alien to many here, or at least its connection to stress) is more important than churning out episodes into the digital ether...