Brother, what Nostr client are you using? It's gotten so, so much better over the last 6 months. If you're sticking to one client, you shouldn't have issues like you're describing. Now, hopping around the different clients, that can cause issues like you're mentioning. Stick to Damus, Amethyst, Snort, Primal, or Iris for now. Everything else is a bit experimental or not ready for prime time, just yet.
Then you'll want to make sure you're using good relays. You can look at my list of relays. I'll recommend all of them. (Minus my personal one, it won't work for you.) My relays have a good mix of paid relays and private relays.
Fuck Twitter. Nostr devs and users will help you no matter what. Just ask.