Check your relays. I used to have the same issue until I selected 6 of the bigger relays and they got infinitely better.
Discussion
I am a relay GOD:
I have my 2 private relays:
Umbrel
Start9
I have my own public (paid relay):
I pay for:
https://nostr.wine/ (filter)
And I use free:
wss://relay.primal.net
wss://nos.lol
wss://relay.getalby.com/v1
wss://eden.nostr.land
wss://relay.mostr.pub
wss://nostr.land
wss://relay.damus.io
wss://nostr.wine
wss://nostr.mutinywallet.com (blast relay)
Is this you? 
Almost, I’ve got bigger muscles 💪
🤩
Why Umbrel *and* Start9? Would you recommend one or the other? I need to buy a node asap
My preference is Umbrel, I have one official “home” server from them and a Pi 4, 8GB RAM + 2TB SSD
They have an Apple style UI and very good. Also they have Tailscale VPN so I’ve linked my Zeus wallet and can pay using my own node in the wild.
A lot of people prefer Start9, but their development is lagging and I have been waiting for their new version for over a year.
It is supposedly more robust, but the UI is more basic and they have no VPN yet.
I prefer not to use Tor in the wild as it’s slow and Phones Tor clients are not the best.
I would get a second opinion on Start9 because I’m definitely not a fan.
Thank you for the detailed review 🙂
I was talking to nostr:npub1hhczaensvm77hgj4uxk804n6m9gy3hk4p6ugtgqu4vu32mjzst0s83cz98 about his Start9 the other month. I think he is a big fan.
Perfect, please get his opinion, I am prejudiced 😂
So is he apparently lmao. Good ole tribalism. nostr:note19guahl7e985wckye55q4yv20jxctvhxrzefpy8qsvurgyfmwhjkscez40r
I'm glad he doesn't like Umbrel, it'll make your two independent reviews balanced 😀