I don't know for sure but it sounds like you are doing what I did for many many years. I had a lot of trouble accepting a lot of the Bible so I relied on my own mind/understanding to create my own image of God as I thought He should be. Honestly I still struggle with some. I am learning to just trust God's plan and His Word.

As Christians we need to read God's word regularly. It is very easy to be mislead if you don't know God's word well. I am not expert by the way on it by any stretch.

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