I'm sorry that's burdening you so heavily. I've been where you are mentally for different reasons. I can't tell you how you should or will feel later on, but I can say that things definitely can't get better if you give up.

I do know other men that I came up with in the military who were excellent, loving fathers to children who didn't share their blood (not from infidelity). If someone asked them if they felt any different than if they were biologically theirs, the answer is a hard no even though they expected they would.

The world needs more good men. Not less. Stay with us. Ride it out. You might be surprised. You don't know me, but if you need to talk/vent to someone without the answers but will listen, you can DM me.