There are a couple different dm implementations. An old, not-so-good spec is slowly being replaced with a better one, so not everything works together at the moment. But it's getting better. Look for a NIP-17 supporting client & inbox relay (just 1 or 2) Encourage your friends to do the same, or ask the devs of your favorite client to add nip17 dm support.😊

There are a lot of people who just don't use dms though.

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Thanks for the help!! Ok I will start looking more into that. That makes sense. My goal would immediately be to switch to simplex if theyre up to it. Much better privacy.