Subnostr

Yeah, I have a slightly androgynous appearance ("gaming") and I look good without makeup on and with short hair, which is kind of a flex.

The problem arises that "never wear makeup" and "cut all your hair off" are permanent decisions. You can't get up in the morning and do something different.

Short hair is always short.

Bare face is always bare.

If you can create a very similar effect without going "all the way", that leaves you the option to occasionally surprise him by looking completely different.

I can wear short hair all day and then take it down and have it suddenly cascading down my back.

Or you are usually bare-faced, but you come down the stairs before a party and look a bit younger and fresher.

You always want to save some room for the WHOA! 👀 effect.

liminal 🦠 2y ago

If one is surrounded by a single option, the exact opposite is what will grab attention, perhaps its an adverse reaction but to be against the grain shows you're different thus attractive to those that have been dulled by a homogeneous trait across their community. A sort of pendulum effect - where a large swing in one direction indicates a likely equally large swing in the opposite direction to come after. Reactionary, and likely not sustainable but that is the overt perspective individuals can take - but overtness is often incongruent to truth for courting/romance.

- hypothesis: being averse/dullened to dominant trait in your community may relate evolutionarily to trying to keep the gene pool diverse

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Discussion

Laeserin 2y ago

It's also just a sign of intelligence. High-IQ correlates to craving novelty.

Laeserin 2y ago

A lot of the stuff I'm self-conscious about turns out to be what he finds most appealing because I'm the only one he sees with that trait and the other women simply bore him.

I don't think it's even necessarily that he thinks the one is better than the other, he just likes exotic, unusual things.

liminal 🦠 2y ago

All really interesting ideas. I think it can be summarized as:

1) Novelty can implyl attractiveness. Signaling being open to novelty may be a hope to proxy being novel (hence the "never wear any makeup", "cut your hair short")

2) The process of romance elucidates that the overtness of being so far on the pendulum swing is not actually representative of reality. Referring to point 1 hints that its actually virtue signalling is an attempt to appear novel to the other party.

Laeserin 2y ago

Yeah, point 1 is a really big deal.

You're showing a willingness to go-against-the-herd, even to your own detriment. It's a subconscious test.

But, after a couple of decades, you've long passed that test and now you risk being too boring.

Laeserin 2y ago

Some guys claim that they don't mind that she looks boring, but that's a 🚩 for a husband who's prone to oggling the babysitter.