Why Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Struggle to Move On
While they were deceiving and manipulating you, they made you dependent on their attention, love, care, and validation, leading you to believe that they truly felt the same for you.
Your self-worth, confidence, self-respect, and love for yourself became entirely dependent on them and the abuse they subjected you to.
They treated you as if they were trying to get you addicted to a drug. Now, you’re going through a painful withdrawal while they simultaneously withhold everything you need the most—emotions, attention, love, and care.
Your confidence has been completely shattered by the abuse you endured.
As a result of their manipulation, you start doubting your own perception, reasoning, abilities, beauty, and character. They achieved this through gaslighting, silent treatment, emotional withholding, blackmail, calculated seduction, projection, and false affirmations of your behaviors.
Everything happened so fast. Suddenly, you were left confused, unsure of what had happened. You didn’t see it coming. They lifted you high, only to drop you without warning when you least expected it.
It’s hard to accept that they were deceiving and manipulating you from the very beginning. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.
You feel a mix of anger and love toward them and can’t understand why.
Deep down, you still hold on to the hope that the narcissist will realize their mistakes and change. You believe your love is stronger than everything and that you can overcome this madness. But in reality, you are projecting your own emotions—grief, pity, anger, and regret.
You loved this person sincerely and with all your heart. But narcissists never loved you, nor did they ever truly care for you. They only cared about what they could get from you—any form of admiration, attention, validation, and devotion.
Your mind and body are in conflict, desperately trying to make sense of what happened. But the answers you seek don’t exist—because the truth is, none of it ever made sense.
They never allowed true emotional closeness because they knew how much of an impact it would have on your life. They wanted to keep you confused, ensuring they could return whenever it suited them.
You let them cross every boundary, did everything they asked, and became the sweetest person on earth for them. In the process, you destroyed your own self-love, confidence, self-worth, and ability to care for yourself. You are no longer the person you once were—you are just a shadow, hiding behind them.
If given a chance, you would still do anything to prove your love to them—even tearing out your own heart—though it would mean nothing to them.
You keep asking yourself:
Did they ever truly love me?
Did I ever mean anything to them?
How can they act like nothing ever happened after everything we went through and all the promises we made?
Am I to blame for everything?
What could I have done differently?
What does this new person have that I don’t?
Am I really that unworthy? If I had tried harder, would we still be together?
What did I do wrong?
The answer to all your questions is simple: Nothing.
You did nothing wrong.
You must understand that you were dealing with an emotionally stunted child—someone who never grew up due to their own childhood trauma. They lack empathy, cannot form genuine connections, and don’t know what love truly is.
You are the mature one here. You must walk away. It is not your job to fix or heal someone in hopes that they will love you in return. You don’t need toxic people in your life—you need someone emotionally stable who will accept you for who you are.
There is no need for revenge—they are already punished by the life they live. It’s immature to seek revenge on a child.
How to Move On After Narcissistic Abuse
Accept that you were deceived and manipulated.
Accept that this person never loved, cared for, respected, or valued you.
Accept that you never loved them either—you loved the illusion, the mask they showed you from day one.
Accept that you did everything you could, and no one could have done better. The problem is them, not you.
Accept that you deserve better. You are not some circus monkey in their harem—you are a human being with worth.
Start rebuilding yourself. No one will do it for you. If you don’t pick yourself up, no one else will.
See healing as a detox process. If you relapse into your emotions, you go back to square one—wasting all the progress you’ve made. Stay strong.
Accept that revenge is pointless. It would only harm you, not them. Seeking revenge would make you like them—a soul-sucking vampire. You are better than that.
Go out, have fun, listen to some rock & roll, and forget them—for your own sanity.
Implement full No Contact. Block them on social media, change your number, and eliminate any way for them to reach you. Feel blessed that it's over and that life saved you from a worse fate. It could have been much worse.
Trust that God removes people from our lives for a reason. This was a test, and if He took them away, He had a good reason. What comes from God is always for your benefit. The right person will come when you least expect it. Have faith.
Lessons You Must Learn from This Experience
Do not trust people too easily.
Do not empathize with everyone—be smart and save your empathy for those who deserve it.
Kindness is good, but do not let people walk all over you.
Never tolerate any form of abuse. If someone mistreats you, leave—without arguing. They are not worth your time.
If someone cheats or lies, walk away immediately. If they did it once, they’ll do it again. Live by the rule: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Judge people by their actions, not their words, background, or mental disorders.
You are not a therapist. You are not responsible for fixing anyone. Help yourself first.
If you don’t love, respect, or value yourself, you will never be able to love someone else properly.
Learn to walk away from toxic people. Every experience makes you stronger and wiser.
No one can hurt you unless you let them. It’s up to you, not them.
Give people what they deserve. If they treat you like trash, return the favor.
Don’t try to find meaning in nonsense. If you lower yourself to understand a narcissist, they’ll drag you into their madness.
Blame yourself—but only to forgive yourself. Apologize to yourself for allowing them to abuse you. They don’t deserve your apology—only your inner self does.
Never seek empathy from a predator. That’s like stepping into a wolf’s den and expecting the wolves to care about you.
See people for who they truly are, not who you wish they were. When dealing with predators, use your mind, not your emotions.
Final Thought
Your heart has clouded your mind, making it hard to distinguish reality from illusion. But remember: Your emotions don’t define the truth. Stop letting your feelings trick you.
You are stronger than you think. You will heal. And when you do, you will never fall for this again.
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