oh i’ve had them for the last 2-3 years, but nostr has definitely intensified and prioritised those thoughts
Discussion
Have you thought about what age ideally you’d have kids and how many?
not sure, in 7-10 years i’d say
Well start working on making that happen. It feels like 10 years was practically a blink ago.
any tips?
I don’t think I’m a shining example. Ask someone who’s life resembles what you want for their experience. They’ll have better tips.
good shout, modelling my life after something/somebody that already exists 🤔
i’m not sure i have those people in my life, who i’d like to be like yet, maybe a mix of different people
So ask people about the specific area of their life you’d like to emulate. They may not entirely know how they did what they did. Observing them tends to be more helpful.
yeah that’s sound advice, been observing and people watching these days, trying to notice the little things that make the difference
The only thing I can say I’ve done right is I haven’t had a child with the wrong person. Watching situations from the sidelines that looks like hell. My tip is always use two forms of birth control. Try not to sleep with people you wouldn’t be ok having a kid with.
that’s an uncomfortable but necessary truth right there 😅💜
The difficulty level of dating increased exponentially when I started asking myself the question, “Would I be ok if a child of mine treated their date/ partner like this?” or “Behaved like this?” I wonder if I’m still single once that ship has sailed if I’ll be ok lowering my standards. 😂
the awareness increases and standards rise through time, until you end up blocking out everybody, until you’ll have to end up lowering them way lower than you would’ve some years ago, is my understanding of it
Many people when thinking about their standards don’t consider what they’re bringing to the table. You have to be realistic. Give people and yourself the grace to not be perfect. Some people would benefit from raising their standards and some from lowering them due to a distorted self image.
i’m a delusional optimist, but i definitely agree, some self-reflection is needed for this
You don’t come across as a delusional optimist.
it’s my inner monologue that i don’t put out there 💜
used to be a pessimistic nihilist, so i’m still working through aspects of myself, but it’ll all work out 🤗
You’ll still be working it out for the rest of your life. You’re just constantly evolving.
it’s true, i’m not sure how or why, but things have started clicking in place more as of late
i feel this incredibly deep happiness and joy, and have this optimistic look into thebfuture
i smile every day, and i love working on myself more than ever
I will say I’m at an age where some people who really want kids are grabbing partners like it’s last call and the lights are about to be flicked on in the bar.
the panic ensues
how does it all making you feel? like it’s the 4th quarter and time to step up and go for the game-winning shot)
Nope. Ever seen a bar at last call and people scrambling to find someone to go home with and you already know they’re gonna regret it in the morning?
you’ve made a decision inside and feel inner peace, while seeing others scramble? 🤔
maybe patience in the face of storm is the way to go
I feel like I made the decision when I was 22. I wanted the shot at love, someone to build a live with and be my partner. I love kids. I’m very maternal. I’d love to be a mom. I just don’t want to be a mom without having a partner who’s fully on board to parent too. If I have kids I want to give them an amazing father.
So no I’m not scrambling. I have had a moment or two of checking in with myself about my stance. It hasn’t changed. I know the years are dwindling and if I met someone, having kids would need to be on a more expedited timeline than I would’ve preferred. I’m also trying to find peace with the idea of my life not turning out like I envisioned it.